and so I start

i'm horrible with words.
the minute I write them (or type them in this case) I'm bored with them or, when confronted with having to document my thoughts, it feels instantly artificial. Like: Ok, think now. Write something meaningful that will be worth reading.

I've never been good at "telling" my story - you know how some people are good at making the littlest thing (like going out to get a coffee) seem like the greatest tale. And the problem is, I feel like I need to write down my life's TOC so that you can better understand "the thoughts" I want to document. I'm not quite sure who "you" are if not me... and why I'm doing this on such a public forum. Entirely odd really. Except there's something to be said for sharing one's story. If it's all in my head, what's it worth (except to me and I'd hope that this life, my life, is not solely for me but something larger).

It's been an ongoing preoccupation of mine to sort out exactly where I was when as a child - so forgive the beginning muddlings. Its for my own clarity i suppose.

In list format, the TOC of my life thus far (perhaps then I will be able to flush out the inbetweens):
1968, Summer: Born, Florida

Somewhere around (Sa) 1970: moved to Vermont

Sa 1973: moved to London, UK

Sa 1975: moved back to Vermont

Sa 1977: moved back to London, UK (after parents divorced)

Sa 1979: moved to NYC, attended grades 5 through 8

1983: Attended boarding school in New England, grades 9 through 12

1986: graduated highschool

1986-1987: took a year off to figure out what I wanted to do

1987-89: Didn't figure out what I wanted to be so attended liberal arts college; during third year, discoverd graphic design (not sure to this day how I became aware of this field of work)

1989-1991: Decided I wanted to pursue graphic design because it was something creative that would also allow me to be financially independant so transferred to fine arts college, graduated with a degree in Communication Design

1991: moved to SF bay area, CA and began working as a graphic designer

1995: moved to SF proper; began designing for the "online" world

2001: dotcom crash... out of work for several months; descent into palpable depression begins (a depression whose edge began at moment of birth); explored alternate career as receptionist at an animal hospital

2002, Spring: after years of dizzy spells, weak knees, migraines and more recently double-vision, diagnosed with inoperable brain tumor; had surgery to relieve pressure cause by tumor; no further treatment necessary; depression temporarily lightened thinking end was near.

2002, Winter: upon realizing the brain tumor may not be my ticket out and that I actually could not solve my depression alone, I seek help

2004, Fall: Begin work at inspiring company in my former occupation as designer

Present: I am on the other side of my life's depression; my brain tumor is still there and not doing anything. The emotional, spiritual, and life work I have done in the years between 2002 and now is what I want to write about here (intermingled with random thoughts and other such bits).

And so there we have it.
I shall try to come back often to write down all the thoughts I've had in the years since starting therapy and living again.
I think I was reborn somewhere in the fall of last year.